What NOT to Say to Someone with an Eating Disorder

​We all want to be supportive of a loved one who may be struggling with an Eating Disorder (ED) or disordered behaviors. What you may not realize is that some of the statements that you offer with the intention of love and support, actually can be harmful for the person struggling.
 
Let’s take a look at some of the most common culprits and why they can be harmful!

• “Just don’t eat carbs:” Many of my clients complain about this poor advice. We live in a diet culture which is why so many people think of this as a resolution. Carbs are essential to our health, but besides that, food rules such as “no carbs” are taken to the extreme for those struggling with ED. In addition, while ED is about the food to some extent, there’s so much more to it. Food is just the surface issue and this “solution” fails to see the underlying components of ED. Side note: I have heard many of my clients tell me that this is what prior therapists have also told them. This is just one of the many reasons why it’s so important to get specialized help for an ED. Here's a guide on finding the right help.
• “I do understand:” This one can be tricky. ED is extremely difficult for someone to understand unless you have had one yourself or have had extensive training in it. If you have neither, please be weary of using this phrase. If the person struggling even has the perception that you don’t actually understand, but you assert that you do, it can leave the sufferer feeling isolated, misunderstood and invalidated. This is super not-helpful. Unless you truly do understand, don’t say you do.
• “You look amazing, I wish I had your will-power:” This usually is intended as a compliment, however for someone struggling with ED, it reinforces the ED behaviors and the ED beliefs that tell the person the smaller you are, the better, the more behaviors I use, the better. Also, ED is not will-power, it is a mental health disorder that destroys lives.
• “Just eat:” To put it simply, if it were that simple, the sufferer would of course do it. However, it is much more complicated than that. This statement is invalidating and will make the person struggling with ED feel isolated.
• “Just stop eating:” Again, if it were that easy, they would do it. One thing I always say when talking about these last 2 statements is to think about it this way, if the solutions were this easy, there would be no such thing as Eating Disorders. Also, I’d be out of a job (although I can’t think of a better reason to be jobless!)

If you have a loved one struggling with an Eating Disorder, I know it is so difficult for you also. You may feel you never know the right things to say or that you always make a bad situation worse. I hope you don’t feel discouraged or judge yourself for it. My advice to you is to do as much research as possible to educate yourself. Also, just ask your loved one how you can best support them. They will appreciate your efforts!

If you don't know if a loved one has an Eating Disorder, here's a guide on how to talk to them about your concerns.
 
Please share with anyone who may benefit from this post. If you have any questions, concerns or requests for future posts, feel free to leave a comment or message me privately.

I wish you awareness on your way to finding your State of Balance!

You can also check out my YouTube channel for more inspiration!

Additionally, the National Eating Disorders Association website is jam-packed with loads of awesome resources!