Are you a people pleaser? Do you ever feel guilty when you can’t or don’t want to do something for someone? If so, you are not alone. You don’t have to be a people pleaser to find yourself with these feelings. It means you are a caring person who wants to give as much of themselves to others as possible. The problem with this is that you don’t leave much, if anything, for yourself.
It may feel cruddy to say “no” to others, but it is in the act of self-care. You may find that others are not understanding or willing to accept your “no,” but if they are a person who truly cares about you, they will get over it. If they don’t, then they’re probably not a healthy contribution to your life anyway.
Many of my clients tend to want to be everything they can to others, and feel bad, even guilty merely having the idea of saying “no.” They may feel as though they are not worthy of that self-care. Although everyone is worthy of self-care, I start out telling them that by saying no and taking care of themselves, it is actually an act to help take care of others as well. How, might you ask?
We are all human beings, we have limitations and we are not bionic. There is only so much any one of us can give before having nothing left. Imagine you are like a bank account, if you keep pulling from your bank account, eventually it will overdraft if you are not also saving and contributing to it. Now think of it for yourself, if you are constantly saying “yes” even when it’s not something you want to do or when it is energy-depleting for you, you are withdrawing from your account. Ways to save is by saying “no” when that’s what you want. Contribute to your account by doing things that you enjoy!
Let me bring it back to the original question, how is taking care of me and saying no helpful for others? Well, if your account is overdrawn, you will not be able to give to others. You will not have the mental capacity to listen and give your full attention when they need someone to talk to. You will not be as bubbly as you normally are which is one of the things they love about you and one of the ways you add to their life (and add to THEIR account!)
So, if you are feeling guilty for saying “no” or for taking time for yourself, remember this. You need to save and contribute to your account as well, or you will have nothing left to withdraw. You probably want to help build other people (and their accounts), however you will not be able to.
Although you are worthy of self-care regardless of anything else, it sometimes is very difficult to believe. I wish everyone would take care of themselves because they know that they deserve it. Unfortunately, sometimes we don’t believe that, so if you begin your self-care journey for others, I’ll take that over not beginning this journey at all.
I hope you found this post helpful! Please share with anyone else who could use it. If you have any questions, concerns or requests for future posts, please leave a comment or message me privately.
I wish you the ability to say “no” and lots of self-care on your journey to finding your State of Balance!
Binge And Restrict Cycle
Eating Disorder Specialist
Healthy Self Vs. Eating Disorder