Do you find yourself repeating the same negative thoughts in your head? The same negative self-talk? The same negative narrative? You may be wondering what I mean by those questions and let me explain so that we can explore this together.
We are the narrator of our own lives. If that seems like a strange concept, think about it. Don’t tell me that you’ve never said something out loud, then said to yourself something like “I’m so funny” and you quietly laugh to yourself. Those are the fun and positive narrations! The ones we want to have! But what about when your narrations aren’t so positive? Ever stumbled over your words and thought “oh my gosh, I’m so stupid, why can’t I get anything right?!” Or maybe you’re reflecting on a binge you just had and saying this to yourself; “you’re weak, why can’t you stop? It’s not this hard for anyone else!” Or perhaps you flunked a test and your narrative is “I’m so stupid! Everyone else is so much smarter, why can’t I just be like them? Noone’s ever going to like someone as dumb as me!” Get the idea?
I’m here to tell you to turn the record over! You don’t deserve to have someone in your brain bashing you and saying such horrible things to you. What does that do? What higher purpose does that serve you? All it does is hurt you, and that is not ok. It’s not ok for someone else to talk to you in this way and it’s not ok for you to talk to yourself that way either. It perpetuates this horrific cycle of negative narrations in your head. It sends you down the rabbit hole.
What does the other side of the record have, you ask? Well, it has more positive responses that you can say to yourself. It’s ok to be frustrated with yourself, or sad or mad about something you said or did. Feeling all emotions, positive and negative, are good and human. You can take your frustration with stumbling over your words and say something like this to yourself “grr, that’s annoying, but I’m working on it!” Or if you’re mad that you felt out of control during your binge, say to yourself “it happened and there’s nothing I can do about it. Tearing myself down won’t help. What can I learn from this experience that may be able to help me?” If you’re sad about flunking a test, what about saying to yourself “I tried, but maybe I could try harder next time. I know I didn’t focus enough in class this week, I should really work on that.” See where this is going? It’s still honoring the emotions that you’re experiencing, but it doesn’t hurt you. It doesn’t create more negativity. It creates opportunity for growth. All experiences, negative or positive, are learning experiences. Instead of beating yourself up, ask what you can learn from that experience.
Turning the record over isn’t always easy. To start, try to bring your awareness to your negative self-talk. Respond to that self-talk by saying “it’s not ok to be saying that to myself” and then make the conscious effort to replace the hurtful self-talk with self-talk that is authentic to your emotions, positive and constructive.
I hope you find this post helpful! Please share with anyone who may also benefit! If you have any questions, concerns or requests for future posts, please comment or message me!
I wish you more positive self-narrations on your journey to finding your State of Balance!
Binge And Restrict Cycle
Eating Disorder Specialist
Healthy Self Vs. Eating Disorder