What To Do When I Feel My Therapist Isn’t Helping Me

It’s so important to recognize that not every personality clicks with one another, and that’s ok. We are all different, so it is expected that not every treatment professional will be right for you despite all their recognition, degrees, awards or raving reviews. That doesn’t mean that there’s anything wrong with you or with them, it just means that maybe the pair isn’t the best fit. And again, that’s ok.

It can be awkward and uncomfortable to have a conversation with your Therapist, Nutritionist, Psychiatrist, Doctor, or insert other professional here (for purposes of this post, “therapist” will be the professional that is being referenced, but it can be interchangeable with any of the professionals on your treatment team) about feeling that the fit just isn’t right for you. There’s a few things to keep in mind before, during and after this conversation takes place;

1. Reflect: Ask yourself what is leading you to think that this fit may not be right for you? Do you feel they are being too aggressive, too passive or does their approach simply rub you the wrong way? Do you feel uncomfortable being with them? It is especially important when it comes to Eating Disorders specifically to ask yourself this question; is the therapist’s approach really not right for me or is it not right for my Eating Disorder? This will be covered more in a later post, but it’s necessary to separate yourself from your Eating Disorder. It can be really difficult to do that, which usually is part of the work your therapist will do with you. With Eating Disorders, we often find ourselves desperately trying to protect our Disorder. Ask yourself “do I truly feel this therapist is not right for me or is this my Eating Disorder trying to trick me to push away something or someone that can help me recover from it?
2. Talk: I would encourage you to have a conversation with your therapist about the prior reflection you have just done. If there is something bothering you about the professional relationship that you feel comfortable talking to them about, open the dialogue and discuss your feelings. The therapist can help you sort through the different questions and feelings, as well as help guide you to the most appropriate next step.
3. Remember that this is YOUR treatment. You need to do what you feel is best for you. You need to feel comfortable enough with the person you are talking to about the most emotional parts of yourself and your life. It’s ok to decide to move on to another therapist if you feel you cannot do that with your current one.
4. Don’t worry about hurting the feelings of your therapist. Chances are, your therapist already has had a similar conversation in the past. As I mentioned earlier, it is ok and it doesn’t mean anything is wrong with you or the therapist. The therapist should be understanding and respectful of your decision. We understand that we aren’t what’s best for everyone and our number one priority is you. I’d rather my clients get the help they need to get better from someone else if I truly am not helping them. My style isn’t for everyone, and that’s ok. Some people are really responsive to it and other’s may not be, and that’s ok.
5. Expect the therapist to challenge you a bit on your decision. This doesn’t mean that they will get up, block the door and tell you that you can’t leave. Remember, you are free to go and get the treatment that will be most helpful for you. Though, I do ask that you listen to what the therapist has to say because as mentioned earlier, sometimes our clients’ Eating Disorders manipulate our clients, and we can help to untangle that for you. They may be able to help sort through the issue you feel you are having with the therapist that is preventing you from getting better. All I ask is that you listen.
6. Allow them to help you. Therapists know other therapists and may be able to help you find one that has a style that may work better for you. If possible, stay with your current therapist until you can begin sessions with your new therapist. Unfortunately, with Eating Disorders, even a couple of weeks without treatment can have detrimental effects.
7. Keep the door open. The therapist usually will give you a friendly message that you are always welcome to return to treatment with her/him should you decide that you would like to come back. If your therapist doesn’t communicate that to you, please take that message from me. You are always welcome to go back, don’t feel like you burnt your bridges or that they hate you. That is not true.
8. Sign releases with your new and old therapists to speak with one another. Collaboration is key in treatment for Eating Disorders. Your old therapist may be able to provide the new therapist with some helpful insight that could better help you.

• The takeaway; * reflect continuously on your progress and treatment, and keep an open conversation with your therapist about how you feel treatment is working for you. * Don’t be afraid to have this difficult conversation with them and allow them to help you. * Stay in treatment with your old therapist until you can begin with the new and allow them to talk to each other. * Always remember you are not alone and you can always return to your old therapist if you change your mind. * Most importantly, remember that your treatment and well-being is most important to your therapist. You are our number one priority! *

I wish you wellness on your journey to finding your State of Balance.