What to Say to Someone You Feel May Have an Eating Disorder

​One of the most terrible things that occur in the world of Eating Disorders is the fear and helplessness a person feels when they see a loved one struggling. Since there is a not enough awareness on the topic, the helplessness comes from the lack of understanding and not knowing what to do or what to say. This post is to help you approach someone you feel may be struggling with an Eating Disorder. 

1. The most important thing I must emphasize is to proceed with the utmost care and empathy for the struggling person. If someone is struggling, they are hurting, and it is necessary to be careful with your words. Often times, we act out of fear which can cause us to express ourselves in ways that are counterproductive such as in anger or frustration. Although you are entitled to feel those feelings, do your best to not express that in your conversation with your loved one. It can hurt them even more, cause them to become defensive or shut you altogether. Therefore, this is not helpful. Express concern for the well-being of your loved one in a caring and empathetic way.
2. Do not assume you understand unless you truly do understand. You may ask how can I express empathy and not express understanding? Empathy and understanding are very different things. We can express empathy to another person without necessarily understanding what they are going through. The reason why it is important to get away from the “I understand” rhetoric is because it can cause the struggling person to feel even lonelier in their struggle. It can be very frustrating to hear someone tell you that they understand what you are going through if they really don’t. The mind and essence behind an Eating Disorder is very difficult to understand unless you have gone through it yourself or have had significant training in it. This brings me back to my suggestion; do not assume you understand unless you truly do.
3. DO NOT bring focus to their body or weight. This can be tricky. If you are speaking to a friend or perhaps a student of yours, avoid bringing focus to their body. Instead, bring the topic up by expressing concern about their behaviors or mood. If you notice the person gets really anxious when someone brings out the birthday cake, use that as an example to support your concern. If you notice that your once bubbly student is beginning to retreat from their typical social environments alongside weight changes, bring up the changes you notice in their mood without bringing focus to their weight. If you are a parent, you may find it necessary to bring the concern for their weight changes up since their physical health may be at risk. I would encourage you to speak with an Eating Disorder treatment professional first to help you have this discussion in a productive way that honors the sensitivity needed for someone struggling with this.
4. DO NOT say things such as “just eat” or “just stop eating.” These type of suggestions are examples of oversimplification of something that is extremely convoluted and complicated. Keep in mind that if it were as simple as either one of those, there would be no such thing as Eating Disorders and no need for treatment professionals who specialize in Eating Disorders. This is all to say that it is not that easy and suggesting that to someone who is struggling will make them feel worse about their current situation along with making them feel that there is something wrong with them since they can’t seem to “just fix” the issue as simply as it seems to be. 
5. Do encourage them to get help. I would strongly suggest encouraging them to seek out a therapist who specializes specfically in the field of Eating Disorders. It is a highly specialized field and treatment for Eating Disorders require extreme sensitivity. I have had clients come to me after seeing other therapists who do not specialize in the field, and have had more struggles since due to the therapist’ lack of experience in that type of treatment. Just as you would see a Cardiologist for heart issues, you should see an Eating Disorder trained therapist for eating issues.

It can be very uncomfortable having these types of conversations. It’s also scary and worrisome to see someone you care about having such a hard time with anything, especially something that can put their health at risk. I hope this post can serve as a guide to help you have this conversation. Please share with anyone who you think may benefit from this! If you have any questions, concerns or requests for future posts, please leave a comment or message me privately.

I wish you wellness on your journey to finding your State of Balance!