When Recovery Feels Like Losing Yourself: Identity, Eating Disorders, and Rebuilding a Sense of Self
Sunset over a rural path that splits in two directions, symbolizing choice and transformation, with overlaid text that reads: 'Feelings of Identity Loss in Recovery – Recovery from an eating disorder can feel like losing part of your identity.'
When Recovery Doesn’t Feel Like Relief - If you’ve ever felt like your eating disorder was “part of who you are,” you’re not alone.
Many people in recovery find themselves grieving—not just the behaviors and feelings surrounding them, but the identity they built around them. Maybe your routines gave you a sense of control, your diagnosis made you feel understood, or your discipline around food became something others admired. When those things are gone, you might wonder: Who am I now?
Recovery isn’t just about changing behaviors. It’s about rewriting your story—and that can feel terrifying.
Why Eating Disorders Often Become Tied to Identity
Eating disorders don’t just happen in a vacuum. They often develop during times when your identity feels unstable or under threat. That might include:
Major life transitions
Trauma or loss
Pressure to perform or succeed
Difficulty coping with emotions
Feeling unseen, unheard, or out of control
Over time, the eating disorder can become more than a coping mechanism. It becomes a way of defining yourself. For some, it offers structure, validation, even belonging—especially if others notice your weight changes (not that that always occurs as a result of an eating disorder), comment on your habits, or relate to your struggles.
When something has been part of your life for so long—and especially when it’s been misunderstood by others—it can begin to feel like you.
Why Recovery Can Feel Like Losing Yourself
Letting go of an eating disorder often feels like stepping into the unknown. Without the structure, the rituals, or even the label, many people wonder:
What do I talk about if I’m not talking about food or my body?
What do I do with my time if I’m not tracking, measuring, or planning meals or binges?
Who am I without this story?
These are not just logistical questions—they are deep emotional questions about identity, safety, and meaning.
And here’s the truth: Even though recovery is freeing, it often begins with grief.
The Grief of Letting Go
It's okay to mourn what your eating disorder gave you—structure, attention, connection, a sense of purpose—even if it was harmful.
Recovery doesn’t ask you to forget or pretend it didn’t matter. It asks you to honor what it meant while also making room for something new. That new version of you might feel blurry right now. But with support, it becomes clearer over time.
How to Rebuild a Sense of Self After an Eating Disorder
Rediscovering your identity can be a powerful—and sometimes slow—part of recovery. Here’s how the process often begins:
1. Name What the ED Gave You
Understanding the function of the eating disorder helps you identify what needs still exist. Was it about control? Safety? Achievement? Connection? Comfort? That clarity allows you to explore healthier ways to meet those needs.
2. Explore Your Interests Without Judgment
What made you feel alive before the eating disorder? What have you always been curious about? Start small. You don’t need to have it all figured out—you just need permission to be curious.
3. Surround Yourself with Supportive People
The recovery journey is deeply relational. Whether it’s a therapist, group, or supportive friends, having people who see you beyond your disorder is key to building a new identity.
4. Reclaim Your Voice
Your eating disorder may have silenced other parts of you. Use journaling, art, movement, or therapy to reconnect with your emotions, thoughts, and values.
5. Practice Self-Compassion
You’re not “lost”—you’re becoming. Let yourself evolve without needing to rush the process or have all the answers.
You Are Not Your Eating Disorder
If you're in recovery and feeling like you’ve lost who you are, know this: the parts of you that matter most—your kindness, strength, creativity, humor—are still there.
Eating disorders may feel like they define you, but they don’t. You are so much more than the symptoms you’re trying to survive.
Recovery is not erasure—it’s transformation.
Ready to Reconnect with Who You Are?
If you’re navigating recovery from an eating disorder and struggling with identity loss, therapy can help you feel more grounded, understood, and supported.
I specialize in helping clients on Long Island, in New York and Florida who are ready to find freedom—not just from behaviors, but from the inner battles that have defined their lives for too long.
Schedule a free consultation call to see if therapy is the next step in your journey. You don’t have to do this alone.
Coming Soon: Understanding Trauma—Big T, Little t, and the Path to Healing
Not all trauma looks the same. In our next post, we’ll break down what trauma really is, including the difference between “Big T” and “little t” trauma, and how it can quietly shape your thoughts, emotions, and relationships. We’ll also introduce Cognitive Processing Therapy (CPT)—a powerful, evidence-based approach that helps untangle the impact of trauma and support meaningful healing. Stay tuned.
*Disclaimer* - I am not a medical doctor and this post does not constitute as medical advice. This post is derived from my experience working with clients, research and collaborating with medical professionals.